So I (well all of us really) have really sucked at posting... at all, and I think that the main reason why is this...

Trying to figure out what to say... kinda sucks. We all have so many things we want to say, but when given a chance, we choke up. But I was writing in my journal today, and I think I know what to say...


9-19-2015
So, I need to be completely, pathetically honest.

I am so sick of being single. I'm sick of NOT having someone to make me WANT to dress pretty and do my makeup. I'm sick of not being asked to dances. Of not buying a beautiful, fancy dress and of not spending HOURS on my hair and makeup so that I'm the prettiest girl there. I'm tired of my birthday coming and not having someone who spends countless hours thinking of the perfect gift for me. I'm tired of not having someone who I can spend countless hours thinking of something to get for him for Christmas. I'm tired of not having someone to kiss on New Years. I'm tired of spending Valentines day either singing (a/n my school choir does singing Valentines) or alone, at home, doing absolutely nothing. I'm tired of being 17 and having never been kissed. Of never even having a boyfriend. I'm sick of wondering if I'll ever find that person. But most of all I'm sick of feeling like this. I want to be that strong, independent chick who KNOWS that she doesn't need a boy to be awesome, but the truth of it is.... I'm just not that person. I'm the girl who dreams of having a boyfriend. Of falling in love. Of getting married. I'm not the girl who thinks love is for sissies. I'm the girl who, even subconsciously, thinks that a boy will solve all of her problems. I mean, I know he won't..... but I'm having a hard time convincing myself of that fact. I'm gonna go wallow in self pity.



I post this because someone needs to be the first to say it. I am fully aware that I am not the first girl, or just human being in general, to feel this way, but nobody wants to admit it. So there you go. It's out in the open.


Yours Truly,
Michae